Day 10 – My Healing Journey

After my meeting with the oncologist, I could think of nothing beyond my life long desire to be a grandmother.  I wanted to be around to watch my grandkids grow up, graduate and get married.  I didn’t much like the 50-50 chance of recurrence within that five year period, that was quite a gamble.

I told her of some of the research that was telling me that either way, I would probably not survive beyond five years.  She looked at me in utter disbelief and said “Where are you getting your information?”  That is absolutely, 100% NOT true.

She spent a lot of time with me that day and her compassion went a long way in telling me and showing me that she truly cared about her patients; each and every one of them.  She truly wanted the best outcome possible for everyone.   I again told her of all my fears surrounding the process, the side effects, the fatigue, so she addressed each of my concerns one by one, and offered potential solutions.

She told me that I didn’t have to stick to the exact protocol that she would initially prescribe for my type of cancer and that there were many options if I had a horrific experience with the first treatment.  That gave me a small margin of hope.

She said that after each treatment, we would assess the situation and adjust things accordingly. I was surprised to hear that because I was thinking it was an “all or none” situation once you started your treatment plan.

Once again I was wrong and I was glad to hear that I actually had options.  She also told me that each type of cancer has different types of chemotherapy drugs that work best.  She said that their clinical trials over the years had contributed significantly in making those types of decisions. Based on others responses to each type of drug and the overall outcome, they are able to deliver the best option for the specific type of cancer that each patient has.  I was amazed.

I thanked her for her time and compassion, but mostly her patience with me, and I can honestly say that I felt a little bit of weight lifted from me in knowing that I didn’t have an automatic death sentence in that first five year period; clearly what I had read was not accurate.

I was so very grateful that I had decided to do my own due diligence, without anyone else’s opinions, input or assumptions. At this point, I only had a small window of time left to make my decision about my own treatment.