Day 11 – My Healing Journey

After receiving all the new information about my specific test results, scores and options, I was a bit more encouraged. As I weighed my options carefully, it became evident that it was more important for me to become a grandmother then it was for me to hold tight to my convictions about Alternative Medicine and Holistic options.

After many sleepless nights, I finally made the difficult decision to proceed with the chemotherapy treatment protocol with the caveat that I had not decided anything about following it up with radiation. That was a whole other conversation that I would explore at a later date.

My treatment plan was to have four rounds of chemotherapy, four weeks apart. There were two actual drugs that they were going to be administering during my time at the infusion clinic.

I was as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof the first day that I had to go in for my treatment. My sister took me and since we were going to be there for hours, I brought my laptop and some DVDs that we could watch during the infusion.

As I entered the infusion lab, I was taken aback by all of the people sitting in their recliners, hooked up to the IVs and/or the ports in their chest. I saw young ones around 15 all the way up to old ones in their 90s, everyone was there for the same reason…

It shouldn’t have taken me by surprise because there’s not a parking place to be had at the cancer clinic and going into the waiting room, it wasn’t much different.  Most of the chairs were filled with people waiting for their turn. 

Some had loved ones with them, but I noticed that most of them were alone.

When I first decided to have the chemo, I thought that I would just take myself, and then it would be an easy day of just sitting there waiting for the IV to empty.  My thoughts were that I wouldn’t want to bother anybody and waste their time to just sit there with me. My thoughts were met with much distain from my family members and I was out voted. 

My sister made it perfectly clear that she was taking me no matter what.  After looking at all these people alone in the clinic, I was so glad she did. When they called my name, I felt like a sheep just following all the other sheep over the edge of the cliff.

It took awhile for the nurse to come in, get my information, verify that it was really me, go to get my specific prescriptions and return to get me hooked up.  I was beginning to wonder if I had made the right decision. Looking at all these people, I couldn’t help but see the pain, anguish and exhaustion on their faces; it was so sad and part of me wanted to get up and run away as fast as I could.