Balancing Act
After years of twisting, contorting, bending and trying to be everything that everyone else needed me to be, it was like a spotlight went off over my head and blinded me. I began to wonder why it had taken me all these years to realize it. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we perceive to be normal that we can’t see beyond each moment.
The hamster wheel starts out slowly but over time it starts speeding up and we hardly notice because we are so entrenched in the drama, the pain, the endurance test, the grind and all the “shoulds” that start to literally suck the life out of us one day at a time until the hamster wheel is going so fast that there is no getting off without serious incident. That incident could be a major meltdown, a major illness or other dramatic life changing event. We need to stop that proverbial hamster wheel now and consciously get off and examine the situation in order to make much needed changes. The focus needs to be on forward movement, not circular movement going nowhere and just existing to do the same the next day.
Realizing and knowing there is a problem is the first step toward accepting the situation and developing a plan to move away from the problem(s). I was always focused on everyone else’s problems because I never wanted to face my own. It was so much easier (so I thought) to try and fix other people’s problems and offer up solutions. In looking back, it always cost me dearly in time spent doing things for others that took away from my own family and in money that I spent helping others try to get out of debt. Many times, I would try to help them fix things by letting them work for me to make money to help them in their financial crisis. I realize now, I really didn’t help anyone in the way they really needed, I only hurt myself in that process. I always felt better knowing I was trying to help, but overall, none of us benefited from my interventions and well-intentioned attempts. I only continued to enable them to be needy. There was no need for them to step up and take responsibility because I was doing it for them (or so I thought).
What I learned was that we can’t save people from themselves. All the money I spent helping friends went by the wayside because they never changed their spending habits and some of them even came to expect the continued assistance. The truth is that my help was merely a bandaid to stop the bleeding for that incident. There were many more after that and I continued to participate and stay on the hamster wheel with them, and unfortunately, neither of us learning the lessons that were screaming at us.
It took me a very long time to realize any of this but then I finally made the decision to mofify my own behavior and stop focusing on theirs. This is what I did:
I chose to make a change
I consciously set out to make that change actually happen
I implemented a plan
I put the plan into motion
I got off the wheel
I now focus on what I want and need and no longer try to save people from their situations.
I will tell you that it takes alot of practice and alot of conscious effort not to backslide and slip back into old familiar habits and patterns. Try it yourself, I can only say it was well worth my effort. A whole new life awaits you but you have to be bold enough to take that first step. My daily mantra now is “What do I want and how can I best serve the highest good of all without compromising myself in the process?”. It’s amazing what happens when you shift your conscious thoughts and focus on a new intention…
